Teeze Me Baby | Bordello Heels
Fun-sized Trisha Doyle tells us about her latest obsession…
I should start this off by explaining that I’m very short. Not Oompa Loompa-I’m-medically-defined-as-a-dwarf short, but I can’t reach the top shelf in my kitchen, supermarket or newsagents and my nine-year-old niece is already past my shoulder. So on the weekends, high heels are a way of life for me.
Most of us all know and love the benefits of high heels: they make our legs look longer, we look slimmer and for shorties like myself, it makes reaching the top shelf a far more glamourous process than dragging a chair over, balancing, straddling the counter — well you get the picture. For the desired leg-lengthening… effect, we’re talking a minimum of three inches — often more.
But we all of course know the very real pain of high heels: thousands of miniature shoe gremlins poking your soles with their tiny white hot pokers, ankle sprain after ankle sprain when attempting to climb or descend stairs and steps, and of course the very real and the very cruel agony of landing flat on your face with your skirt over your head, ideally in the vicinity of your most recent ex with the thoughts “not in these knickers, please, just not in these knickers”. This may sound like I’m about to put forward a case for flat shoes or perhaps encourage an outing in a more moderate mid size heel. Nay. I’m saying if you’re going to do heels, then do killer heels.
Clockwise from top left:… Bordello Cheetah Print with Bows Platform; Bordello Red Rhinestone Platform; Bordello Black Patent and Red Rhinestone Flame Platform; Bordello Iridescent Rhinestone Platform; Bordello Shoes Teeze 06 Black Pu Matt Concealed Platform Shoes.
These shoes weren’t made for walking, but since when was that important?
And so, dear reader, I give you Bordello Teeze heels. My feelings toward them, I can only honestly describe as wanton lust. And with an eye-watering … 5 3/4 inch heel and 1 3/4 platform front, I know it’s going to be an intense experience, particularly for my arches. The ones I’m particularly in lust with are the Bordello Black Patent and Red Rhinestone Flame Platform. I believe they are what you’d file under a ‘statement shoe’, and would set any simple LBD aflame.
I know we’ll never have any kind of real, meaningful relationship. I know they’re beautiful. I know they’ll very probably do me long term nerve damage. The few outings we’ll have will be memorable but will, ultimately, leave me in tears, possibly clutching a broken toe, vowing never to walk a mile in stripper shoes again. But you know what? It’s winter, I need something to look forward to, and dammit if these babies aren’t hot.
Shoe pointers:
- The website recommends buying a size larger than you normally would in US size shoes.
- Before buying direct, check out eBay for bargains. They’re not a shoe you will get a lot of wear out of, so buying used on eBay is definitely an option.
- A quick search shows that US sizes are generally listed on eBay and other sites, so make sure you’re buying the correct size.
Available on www.burlesque-shoes.co.uk.
Trisha Doyle for stylesiren.ie
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